When all else fails...........run!

Well at this point in my day, I can be grateful that it's almost bedtime (closer to a new day) and this gum is doing the trick for calming my sweet tooth. But with that comes jaw issues from chewing too much gum. Some days I feel I just can't win, I can't get ahead, I can't get behind, I can only run in circles. The last 2 days have been a constant battle of being in overdrive but not feeling as though I achieved anything.  I guess I could look at the positive and realize I have been the Master of Terrible Time Management or at least the Master of Distraction, nonetheless the MASTER.  What would it take for me to actually see a "To Do List" done?? 

I don't know what is taking over me. My head is spinning and pulling a complete thought together is virtually impossible. Who knows where this blog will go tonight. 

I am 59 days aways from this competition and I have begun to have anxiety about everything. The least of anxiety is about my body but about everything else in relation to getting there and being the best. There is so much more that goes into preparing for a fitness competition and transforming the body is only a small piece of it.  I've discussed before the mental aspect of this journey and I'm now discovering all the different avenues it can take you. I have to override my mind and desires every day when it comes to food and working out but now there are other necessities I have obviously procrastinated taking care of.  Preparation is key and I've had that down with the diet and workout but my indecision has finally caught up with me and put me in panic mode.  Some of these things are in my control and some are not.  Most normal competitors would be just waiting for their final fit on their suit and theme costume when they are almost 8 weeks out.  However, I just decided on my suit color and have a vague idea of the design within the last week.  Costume you ask?? Yes, every fitness competitor has theme wear to strut around in as well. Picture super heros, playboy bunnies, etc. I just talked with a costume designer today about my ideas and she reiterated that it was crunch time which I'm assuming comes with a crunch fee. The little details are simply blowing me away. I'm guessing one of the most pressing issues is my schedule the next few weeks. Work is going to dictate me traveling a lot the 3 weeks before the show. That's a lot of food prep and cooler time.  More importantly I feel I should be in the gym and monitored by Coach so he can see every change and modify anything that needs to be worked on. I'm driving myself crazy imagining every scenario to maximize my time at the gym and on the road.  I am trying to convince myself plenty of other girls on the team live all over the country and only see Coach Doug once or twice before they compete and do everything else online. Can I do this while traveling? Once again, there is no other option. 

The next 59 days are all going to be about pushing myself to new limits physically and more importantly mentally.  Yes, some days it's so fluid to jump out of bed, crush a killer workout, sprint through my cardio, spend hours cooking and cleaning the kitchen, completing my work, running errands, washing those workout clothes and at some point sleeping.  And some days my ADD takes over and the only thing that gets accomplished is a workout (probably hindered by my spinning mind) and a lot of running back and forth asking myself what I was doing.  Can I overcome this particular challenge? Once again, there is no other option. 

Coach Doug has decided Thursday is our day off. Really that means he just wants us to do some light cardio and lay off the weights.  I was actually excited to go to bed last night knowing I didn't have to bolt out of bed, eat breakfast in time for it to digest, drive to the gym on the other side of town and run any errands after my workout while trying to make sure I returned in time for the dog to be taken care of.  The morning would be mine to complete some work items online, figure out my fitness costume, check on my suit from the designer, pay some bills, cook some meals, pack for Vegas and review my logistics for the next month.  I completed majority of these things but there was plenty of pacing and distractions to go with my efforts.  Now I am left with packing which I should look at as a blessing. Why??? I'm headed to Vegas to do photo shoots on Sunday with some photographers from the east coast.  I am very honored they asked me to model for them as I am very big fans of their work so this is a great thing. The only bad thing is how I am overwhelmed with all the clothes I need to take for shoot and trying to remember what clothes I already have at my place there. I switch wardrobes so often from traveling back and forth.  Will I have everything I need? Well it's best for me to find out now.  I told you I would be brutally honest and this is my brain today.  I'm very thankful I squeezed in an hour and half run with the puppy to clear the negativity I was feeling earlier in the day. That blog would not have been pretty and I wouldn't have felt good rereading.  Sometimes you just have to breath. I'm hoping for some calmness and clarity that comes with the next cross off on my "To Do List".  

I feel a change in attitude with a new day! I sent this to my friend Stevie who needed a little pep talk. She said it was perfect for her so maybe I should listen to my own advice.