Well, I am doing exactly opposite of that. I am going to have all the evidence but it will be evidence of my SUCCESS because FAILURE isn't an option!
Today, I am 77 days away from stepping on stage to earn my Pro Card with the WBFF at the Fitness Atlantic Competition in Connecticut so I thought it was time to start charting my journey. I officially started my strict diet on Jan 2, 2012 but have been intensely training for as long as I can remember. However, you can't have one without the other and it was obvious I was not getting the results I needed to become a Pro with the WBFF. In July of 2011, I made the decision to compete for my Pro Card after spending months training with the most fierce and beautiful ladies/competitors along with a AMAZING and motivational coach. I knew I needed a new challenge and seeing the dedication and passion from these women inspired me to push myself to new boundaries. And so a goal was born and I stoked up the fire inside me to see how far I could push myself.
So why am I starting a blog now? Initially, I wanted to start a diary of my journey the day I started my diet but I wasn't ready mentally to put on paper what I was really feeling. I knew I needed to get some time under my belt to grasp my new lifestyle and mentally deal with the voices in my head of anger, doubt, fear, disappointment and even excitement. You will learn about these along the way in the next 11 weeks. When I started this journey on Jan. 2, 2012, I was beyond disappointed with myself for letting myself go over the last 2.5 months. But if I looked deep inside, I hadn't been taking as good of care of myself as I should have for over a year with all the travel, work, play and business dinners. Now I have to state that my husband and I try to be as healthy as possible yet for every 3 nights we stayed in an ate a healthy meal at home, there were 4 nights of eating out ( and out does not mean any form of fast food but it could mean gourmet pizza). Even when eating out, we would order healthy as in fish and veggies but you still have no idea what they put in their food or the impact it can have on your waistline or health.
So why am I starting a blog now? Initially, I wanted to start a diary of my journey the day I started my diet but I wasn't ready mentally to put on paper what I was really feeling. I knew I needed to get some time under my belt to grasp my new lifestyle and mentally deal with the voices in my head of anger, doubt, fear, disappointment and even excitement. You will learn about these along the way in the next 11 weeks. When I started this journey on Jan. 2, 2012, I was beyond disappointed with myself for letting myself go over the last 2.5 months. But if I looked deep inside, I hadn't been taking as good of care of myself as I should have for over a year with all the travel, work, play and business dinners. Now I have to state that my husband and I try to be as healthy as possible yet for every 3 nights we stayed in an ate a healthy meal at home, there were 4 nights of eating out ( and out does not mean any form of fast food but it could mean gourmet pizza). Even when eating out, we would order healthy as in fish and veggies but you still have no idea what they put in their food or the impact it can have on your waistline or health.
Strange how you can just wake up and everything has caught up with you? I just felt mushy and gross although I was still training like a crazy person daily. Guess if I wanted to be honest on that one, I try to make up for the negative by overcompensating with insane amounts of cardio burning off the muscle I work to build daily. Hence the mushy feeling I guess. Some of this might even be a surprise to those that know me because I am a certified goofball and love joking around either in the gym or just hanging out. Although, I should point out that for as much as I do joke with my teammates in the gym, I still push myself to the limits. Humor is just my way to push through the pain and hopefully get us though without thinking about what we are really doing.
Anyways, In October I spent 15 days in Italy eating bread and bread and bread (ie. pizza daily), wine and mass amounts of gelato. My body was in complete shock with all the sugars I ingested. An amazing vacation but I didn't feel so amazing when I returned. Then the holidays were here with a different party or gathering every night. It was still in the back of my head that I was going to compete in April so I started watching my diet more closely but didn't totally deprive myself. However, when it came time to take pictures and document the beginning of my journey, I simply couldn't bear to have a camera on me. I really couldn't stand to look in the mirror if you want complete honestly. I had no idea what had happened to my body "overnight" or how I was going to fix it. I doubted the diet and the simple changes could fix my broken self inside and outside. I told myself that I would start this journey on my own terms and document it when my mind and heart was ready. So here I am, 29 days later and ready mentally and somewhat physically to document the journey. When I look back now, I wish I would have overcome that mental block, taken those pictures and put on paper those feelings because they are so different now. Well I can't go back in time but I can start today honest to myself and anyone that follows this journey. I've talked to so many people over the last month that have been so curious about my journey, my day, my feelings, my struggles and my attitude. Moving forward, it's my responsibility to bring nothing but the truth on this journey. I realize now it's important to others because it's encouraging them to attain their goals, whatever they might be. So with each entry, you can be guaranteed I will be honest about my feelings at the time. I might be angry if progress slows, I might be overjoyed I am seeing results but I will document it (and with pictures which is the hardest part of all for me). If I cheat with too much almond butter one day or extra carbs not listed on the diet, you will know it. This is going to be the best method for me to keep myself on track because I already do it daily with my teammates and Coach. We discuss it all and I am honest there which holds me accountable at home and on the road.
So to sum it up, I am feeling fantastic and have surprised even myself with my discipline and dedication. The best part is the support from my family and friends. Apparently, I haven't surprised them because they have been so supportive stating they have never doubted my passion and dedication which is amazing to hear. I knew this was going to be a mental battle that far surpasses the physical and I think I'm winning. I'm human and will have my days but I feel so confident in my ability to push through, give 110% and win my Pro Card in April.
Just to recap the last month, I have been training and dieting and training and dieting. What is dieting??? I have been prepping my food several times a weeks so I am prepared when I leave the house. I have to make sure I'm eating on a schedule and being prepared with my food takes out the temptation to partake in the bad yet tasty! I thought it would be more of a struggle to eat the same things daily listed on my diet but I've done it and enjoyed it. I miss going out to eat but I know I can figure that out as well. I will admit that I feel I'm in the kitchen all the time because even though I have prepped the food. I have to heat it up which takes time and dirties dishes but it's worth it. BTW, I heat everything up on the stove because I'm convinced the microwave depletes the nutrition of all the healthy meals I'm consuming. I have had my cheats of too many carbs in the day and skipping meals because I wasn't prepared. Sometimes, I leave the house thinking I won't be gone long and I'm gone hours. I'm learning to just take the food regardless. You will probably think it's insane I felt guilty for having a granola bar one day when I had no other options and over consumed blueberries because they aren't on the list either. It's called structure and I need it.
Two weeks into the modified lifestyle, I had a photo shoot which I was not too happy about. I had not seen results from the dieting and was getting discouraged. I kept telling myself that although I woke up one day looking less than desired, I wasn't going to just wake up in great shape, photo ready. Notice I won't ever call myself fat because I don't believe I was/am fat. I believe I wasn't healthy and it was showing. However, I think the pics turned out great and I'm excited to post those. I am excited to for my next photo shoot to see the improvements.
Anyways, In October I spent 15 days in Italy eating bread and bread and bread (ie. pizza daily), wine and mass amounts of gelato. My body was in complete shock with all the sugars I ingested. An amazing vacation but I didn't feel so amazing when I returned. Then the holidays were here with a different party or gathering every night. It was still in the back of my head that I was going to compete in April so I started watching my diet more closely but didn't totally deprive myself. However, when it came time to take pictures and document the beginning of my journey, I simply couldn't bear to have a camera on me. I really couldn't stand to look in the mirror if you want complete honestly. I had no idea what had happened to my body "overnight" or how I was going to fix it. I doubted the diet and the simple changes could fix my broken self inside and outside. I told myself that I would start this journey on my own terms and document it when my mind and heart was ready. So here I am, 29 days later and ready mentally and somewhat physically to document the journey. When I look back now, I wish I would have overcome that mental block, taken those pictures and put on paper those feelings because they are so different now. Well I can't go back in time but I can start today honest to myself and anyone that follows this journey. I've talked to so many people over the last month that have been so curious about my journey, my day, my feelings, my struggles and my attitude. Moving forward, it's my responsibility to bring nothing but the truth on this journey. I realize now it's important to others because it's encouraging them to attain their goals, whatever they might be. So with each entry, you can be guaranteed I will be honest about my feelings at the time. I might be angry if progress slows, I might be overjoyed I am seeing results but I will document it (and with pictures which is the hardest part of all for me). If I cheat with too much almond butter one day or extra carbs not listed on the diet, you will know it. This is going to be the best method for me to keep myself on track because I already do it daily with my teammates and Coach. We discuss it all and I am honest there which holds me accountable at home and on the road.
So to sum it up, I am feeling fantastic and have surprised even myself with my discipline and dedication. The best part is the support from my family and friends. Apparently, I haven't surprised them because they have been so supportive stating they have never doubted my passion and dedication which is amazing to hear. I knew this was going to be a mental battle that far surpasses the physical and I think I'm winning. I'm human and will have my days but I feel so confident in my ability to push through, give 110% and win my Pro Card in April.
Just to recap the last month, I have been training and dieting and training and dieting. What is dieting??? I have been prepping my food several times a weeks so I am prepared when I leave the house. I have to make sure I'm eating on a schedule and being prepared with my food takes out the temptation to partake in the bad yet tasty! I thought it would be more of a struggle to eat the same things daily listed on my diet but I've done it and enjoyed it. I miss going out to eat but I know I can figure that out as well. I will admit that I feel I'm in the kitchen all the time because even though I have prepped the food. I have to heat it up which takes time and dirties dishes but it's worth it. BTW, I heat everything up on the stove because I'm convinced the microwave depletes the nutrition of all the healthy meals I'm consuming. I have had my cheats of too many carbs in the day and skipping meals because I wasn't prepared. Sometimes, I leave the house thinking I won't be gone long and I'm gone hours. I'm learning to just take the food regardless. You will probably think it's insane I felt guilty for having a granola bar one day when I had no other options and over consumed blueberries because they aren't on the list either. It's called structure and I need it.
Two weeks into the modified lifestyle, I had a photo shoot which I was not too happy about. I had not seen results from the dieting and was getting discouraged. I kept telling myself that although I woke up one day looking less than desired, I wasn't going to just wake up in great shape, photo ready. Notice I won't ever call myself fat because I don't believe I was/am fat. I believe I wasn't healthy and it was showing. However, I think the pics turned out great and I'm excited to post those. I am excited to for my next photo shoot to see the improvements.
So stay tuned for all my blogging and adventures. Apparently, Strange attracts Strange which can sum up majority of days in my life. There is certainly more to come about why this goal is so important to me.
Now it's time for my Sunday workout. I'm thinking today is a track and bleacher workout. Such a great day and I'm looking forward to a little sweat session. Happy Sunday!
P.S.-Stats seem important in this journey so I will post those tomorrow! Good and Bad!:)
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